What a strange, wonderful life

My life is officially strange. I have great friends and wonderful family but it is a totally different place or season that I am in. I am unemployed, divorced, may lose the house and just turned 45. Almost all in the same month. It is exciting! Yes, very special...life is definitely interesting to say the least. I need to quit looking inside my box and open the lid. I am sure there are others out there that I can help, encourage or something! I need a life. It is very strange being unemployed without young children. They took my time and attention the last time I was unemployed...my youngest is about to turn 20. I don't think he needs me in the same way as before. God definitely has a sense of humor and I am blessed. 8-)

New Chapter

I am ready to start a new chapter in my life book. I need to stop, smell the roses more often, reflect on my"bucket list" and have at it! Life is too short to sit by and let it happen. It is time I got off of the sideline and jumped in.
Tomorrow starts a new day and a new sentence in my new chapter. It may take a little time to write the first paragraph, but as long as I write each day (take that chance, make that choice) then it will happen. It will happen...

Friendship

Friendship is great but what if that friend is not good for you? What then? Well, sometimes friendships have to end for various reasons. You have to let them go. I have given up a friendship and it is the hardest thing I have done in a long time. It's only been 8 days but it feels like a lifetime. Sometimes I wonder why but then I think-whatever.

Do you ever wonder why you are the way you are? Why you think the way you do? Is it because of your upbringing or is it truly because of the way God made you? Maybe they go hand in hand. Not sure but I think that often. Why? I am definitely not typical and I see life very differently than most. But I can live with that...

Life Goes On!

Okay, it's now 2010! New Year, new time, New Life? Working on that last one. Sometimes change is so dang hard! Why does life have to be that way? To keep us hoppin maybe? Oh well, life goes on and so will I. Some days it is extremely hard to keep walking. Some days it seems very lonely where I am. I have to remind myself that I have great friends and family that care about me. I am truly blessed, I just sometimes forget. On days like today, it's not so bad. Some days though, it is rough. The stupid thing is that we all have days like that and yet we spend them isolated. Duh...that is smart! :0)

Not really, but sometimes if we just reach out beyond ourselves, maybe we would get out of the funk and truly make a difference. I recently watched "The Blind Side" and I could relate to the woman that Sandra Bullock played. I can be that strong and outspoken, not afraid of situations or people. I would reach out to someone like that too. Oh wait, I have just in different circumstances. I just wish I had the same support system. My life might be different now too.

I will get better, I will move on and be what God has set for me. I just want to pass on all of the hard stuff and get there...but I know that if I do, I will miss quite a ride! :0)

Have to keep going...

I have a friend that is great. It is hard because it's a unique friendship. Friendships are important to me so I don't want to lose any. Unfortunately, due to circumstances, personalities, situations, others, etc. the friendship isn't the same and may never be again. It is unfortunate but true. I am really looking within myself to see what is truly going on...am I creating somethings that I don't even realize? Not sure yet, but searching all the same.

Today was a good day...

Today was a good day. Got some things done at work, had a meeting this evening and relaxed tonight. With so much at risk in my life, I feel stuck sometimes. I am waiting to hear what the next step will be. How do I wait but move on at the same time? It is complicated...very complicated.

today is a new day

Today is a new day...I have had several emotions running through my head/heart for several days now. I am angry, scared, brave, lonely and ready to face the world all at the same time! I wrote a poem...not sure how good it is but here it is:
"Alone in the dark, looking for light;
No where to turn, no one in sight;
Sad, scared, determined but void, swirling together like a tornado.
I'm hurt, I'm angry, I'm frozen - doesn't anyone see or know?
My heart's filled with anger, I know that is true danger
but how do I fix this? How do I move?
The scars, they run deep, too deep to soothe.
Wait - I see light; but where does it lead?
Will it free me, be what I need?
There's a door in front of me,
Why won't I open it, what will I see?
I prefer to stay in the dark, something that feels secure;
Not take a chance on the unknown, not feel so unsure.
How stupid it sounds as it's voiced in the air,
As I sit all alone in this pit of dispair.
As I sit here and decide what my next step will be -
Know this! No matter what happens, I will always be me!"

I am 44 and facing so many large hurdles. What am I doing? Why am I here? This is NOT what I signed up for. Not at all! But here I am...

A New Beginning...

I have decided to start fresh. Hit reset if you will. I have deleted all of my old posts so I can start new. I don't want to compare to yesterday, I just want to start again. I have to make a difference in my life and hope to make a difference in others as well.

This valley I am walking through is the toughest I have ever been in. I don't understand how to maneuver through this. Either way, I will be scratched and hurt. I just want to make it through. That's all.

I am to the point that I dread the morning...I have NEVER been there. It's not good! How long Lord, how long?